YOU CONTROL THE NARRATIVE

 

Hi everyone.

As many of you who follow my blog will know, my writing is far and few between. I only write and share when I feel I may have value to share and some wisdom to impart. Today is one of those days.

If you have read any of my previous blog's you may already have some insight into who I am and the type of personality I have or some of the struggles I have faced both as a teenager and as an adult. For those who are reading this first time, I will share a little about me so as you then read the remainder of the message I am sharing today, you may have a better understanding around my learnings from my recent experiences.

I am at heart, a gentle soul, soft and caring and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Many times in my life this has counted in my favour and sadly more often than not it has meant that people take advantage of my good hearted nature.

In a society where we live in a culture of blame, I could very easily say that these people who have used me or taken advantage of me are the reason that recently l have found myself in a very dark and lonely place. Truth is, this is not the person that my parents raised and nor did they instill an ethic of blame in me. They taught me to take ownership of my actions and be accountable for things and decisions in in my life. (Thanks Pa and Ma)Yes, there certainly are things that happen that are outside of our control but we can still control the narrative of these things in the way that we respond.

So rather than blame others for taking advantage of me and my good nature or my constant desire and need to support others, I will internalise it and look at how I can change this. I will ask myself why it happens. 

Saying this, I have come to realise that it is because I will always put other's needs above my own. Yes this is a commendable action and shows an unselfish attitude toward life, and it is certainly something that I am proud of and don't actually want to change.

So how do I fix the hurt and pain and constant rejection from those whom I share my knowledge, wisdom, expertise and soul with, without changing who I am?

The answer is actually the most simple one. Stop investing time and energy and helping those who only have one agenda, themselves.

This has been my problem all along and it seems so obvious a solution and one that many people, who they care about me have shown me and said to me on multiple occasions but I have struggled to follow. 

I have struggled to follow it because I have always believed that maybe there was a place that I could share goodness, love and positivity in a society that lacks it, that I could be the person that reaches maybe just one soul, touches them, and restores their faith in mankind. In knowing that there is goodness left in this dark cruel world. In sharing today, I still believer this to be true.

So why am I saying this, it all seems so contrasting, on one hand I am saying investing time and energy in people who take advantage of you is wrong and on the other I am saying by being that person, you CAN make a difference in someone else's life and if only touch one person, then it is worth it.

Here is the catch, you need to learn to identify when you made that difference and move on. I recently encountered a group of people, the structure of which was ever changing and at the time I was fairly new to that group myself. One person in that group extended kindness and support to me which, I took and ran with, but now it was something I wanted to offer to other newbies to the group to ensure that they felt included and supported as I had been made to feel. 

I did this and I believe that I did make a success of it and touched one person who said that because of my input they felt included and supported. This is the point, retrospectively that I should have let go. I didn't though. Instead I persued my endeavours to help integrate others and have as a result ended up completely isolating myself. Perhaps because l believed that as with my helper, I forged a deep routed friendship, I could build new meaningful relationships with others too. However this is dependant on many factors and without elaborating, it comes down to each individuals character.

What I am saying is be smart, be mindful and look to see, to REALLY see. 

Some people value you for who you are and others value you for what you bring to the table. Those who value you for the person you are will remain around and will always be there even when you find yourself in a place of uncertainty. Those who value you for what you bring will dispose of you easily once they have extracted what they needed. In a a group dynamic, you may find that if someone different and new can the same value and skillset to the table, you are discarded of sooner. 

So don't allow yourself to be blinded by the niceties, don't allow anyone to stroke you ego. Remain humble, but know YOUR value. When you can identify that honesty, integrity and loyalty are no longer traits that are valued in that setting, get out before the toxic nature consumes you and leaves you questioning your own worth. 

Don't let others define who are. 

Don't let others determine your character. 

Don't let one person destroy you. 

Don't let the rejection from a group of people leave you questioning you integrity. The likelihood is, it is actually only the opinion of one person in the group who steers the narrative of the group and that person just like you will be struggling with their own insecurities

Getting out does not make you weak, leaving it behind does not mean you are running from it. On the contrary getting out shows:

• A love for self, in valuing who you are and knowing your worth
• A strength to fight, and an ability to move beyond oppression
• Character. No one defines who you are, but you!!

Be strong for the right reasons and for the right people. My recent encounters will not define me, they will not change who I am, I am ME and I will remain the soft kind hearted - helpful person that I am, but I will not allow a small group of people to control me or change how I respond to people in the future. I will forever be who I am, but I have learned that many things in life a short lived, many people will take from you what they can but only YOU control how much you give. Don't give everything you have a leave yourself feeling empty. Recognise your value and set boundaries and learn to invest your time, energy and love in those around you that value you for the person you are rather than what they can get out of you. You owe it to yourself.

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn and really left me in a very very dark place mentally. l had been ready to pack it all in irrespective of what it would have meant to those that TRULY care about me. Thankfully before I chose to give up on it all I look time to reflect. I took time to see how I can change the outcomes of it all and how I could take back control without placing blame on others.

We all suffer from our own insecurities, sometimes people do what they do without realising the impact on others and sometimes they do it knowingly, either way, what l tell my children daily, is advise l now need to follow myself.

'You cannot control what others do but you can control how you respond or react.' 

I hope that by sharing today that it may help someone not end up in that dark place I found myself.

Much love control and power to you all