Strength of Character

 

I have recently had some people close to me, go through some challenging situations and at the same time, I have navigated some of my own emotions, while trying to better understand myself so that I am in a good place to be able to support them. 

I have always considered myself somewhat of an extravert. I have always enjoyed being in other peoples company and just being able to share life with others. Saying this I have also always believed in keeping my circle of friends small and intimate. 

Since moving to other UK, leaving behind my support structure and my family, and having worked from home for 12 and a half years, I realised that my circle grew progressively smaller over the years. My own immediate family grew and my priorities shifted. When looking at my career progression, from time to time I complete the 16 personalities test and in so doing have found the core parts of me do not seem to change, but one thing that certainly has, is I have shifted from extra, to introverted. I had somewhat of an idea already, as I would feel anxious, prior to attending events or stepping out of my comfort zone of home, and then when there I would feel okay, but at the end of this time, I would feel tired and drained. Like it took everything out of me to be there. 

I have thought about this and thought about who I am, I have sometimes doubted myself, my character and my strengths, but when speaking to someone most dear to me, this past week, someone who is and has been very much a loner all their life, something very profound hit me. Something that I had not thought of before and some wisdom that I was able to share and impart that day.

Here it is. We have all read some profound quotes and thoughts about, the person you are when you are alone, about what you do and how you act, when no one else is watching. Whether you act with integrity or not. Then there is the question, can you spend time in your own company and be pleased with the person that you are.

That final question had me thinking a little deeper. What do they use in prisons to punish those that have acted outside of the regulations. They put them into solitary confinement. Why? The answer is simple, when you are alone in your own thoughts and have time to reflect on things past and things present, where does it leave you. Do you find yourself in a place of happiness or despair. Can you relate to the decisions you have made or your motives for decisions you are yet to make. Overall, where does being alone in your own thoughts leave you. 

Having taken all this into consideration and thought about it carefully, I came to this conclusion. Someone that spends a lot of time in their own company without the noise of the world to drown out the voices in their head. Someone who listens to the voices and is able to discern between the darkness and the constructive. To be able to pick out, what can be used to help you become a better person and the voices that are there to break you down and destroy you and then to silence them. This is a person of true strength. 

To spend your days alone, to have no one to confide in, to shift or share the weight of your troubles with, to be able to compartmentalise and own these thoughts and know which to hold onto and which to discard, this is a person of true worth. This is a person of integrity. This is a person, when all else fails and nothing is left, that will stand, they are okay with who they are. This is a person who will act with integrity when no one else is watching, this is a person who can be alone in their own company and still smile.

Sharing this, with the person I care deeply for, and who was feeling alone and down, I realised in that moment my own strength. I realised and drew my strength from that, in that moment. I realised I have become this person and I am proud of that. The person I speak of, is my Mother… Mom, you are so strong, you are a rock to so many, you have, through your faith and prayer, carried more people than you will ever know. I was pleased that I could share this with you, but I was pleased to learn that I have become so much like you. I have always said and still do, if I can became, only half the woman, wife and mother that you are, I will have reached my ultimate goal and success in life. 

❤❤❤LOVE YOU MOMMY!!! ❤❤❤